its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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