Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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