I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
