I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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