oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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