Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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