I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
