I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
