So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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