When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
