I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I bet he comes in French.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
