I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
