She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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