I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
