my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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