Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize