Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
