Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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