my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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