Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
