i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
