dude i'm inner monologue high
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This is my gift to your gina
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
