I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
