omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Randomize
