I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize