Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
