I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
