he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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