I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
