I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
