Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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