how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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