My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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