He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
