the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
