C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
