I can text with my tongue
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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