I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize