bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
