You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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