doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
