how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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