Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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