you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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