Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
