That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
