My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My cat gives me a boner
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
