I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
did you just send me my own nude
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize