Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
