i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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