already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize