I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
