Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
we're so committed to being not committed
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
