absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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