While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
