That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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