It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
