found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
