I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
