you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
