So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
