what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
