I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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