My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
