watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this just has baby written all over it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
