im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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