my phone needs a breathalizer
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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